The Air Speed Velocity of an Unladen Kristin
(originally ranted in 2003)

Will someone please explain to me what in Hell is going on? Where did Christmas go? For that matter, summer barely even registered a blip on my radar. It all went by so fast, I never even caught my breath. Every day is going by faster. I actually look forward to Leap Year just so I can have an extra day to catch up.

I have this To Do List. I know, everyone has one. Mine is split into four sections: Appointments, Now, Soon, and Before I Die. I go through the list every day in a frenzy. I check it probably 15 times a day, minimum. I have to get it all done so I can relax, but for everything that I mark off it, something else rises from the shadows to take its place. I never catch up. Neither do any of us. It's just the nature of the beast, and I think that phrasing is pretty appropriate. I somehow don't think this is what God had in mind when He promised life, and life more abundant.

Velocity is my favorite word this year. It wins by a long shot. It is so perfect. I feel propelled, even hurled, forward at such a pace that I'm missing everything that matters on the way.

I have a two year old. Getting him ready in the morning is my least favorite time of day. I'm trying to get him dressed, and he's mad because he can't play Car Wash right that moment. I'm putting on his shoes and he wants to go hug Pooh. He doesn't want to eat his breakfast. He wants to count to 20 four hundred times. I, in contrast, count to 3 four hundred times, promising a spanking I'll never give at the end of each countdown. Drives me nuts.

He has nothing to do. He wants to play. But I don't have the time to play. I've got to hurry and do 9,000 things that don't matter so that maybe one day I'll have time to play. Makes no sense.

My love comes to see me most nights. He comes over and I shut it down. We do nothing. In fact, I request nothing quite specifically. I'd rather fall asleep in his arms for an hour than anything else. He is my peace, and I take that for granted sometimes.

So what is there to show for my day? I was late for work, so I never got to take a lunch break, so I could make up the time I missed. I took ephedrine like vitamins. I didn't spend five minutes with my son, but hey, I did wash the car and do the laundry. I could have talked to my love about dreams, but instead, I was dreaming. I fitfully sleep for five hours after he leaves, waking up and looking at my computer which seems to be beckoning me from beyond the wall of sleep. I wake up exhausted, pop more ephedrine, and try to face the velocity of the day ahead.

Can I just play Car Wash instead? At least one day. Just one, let me actually To Do List something that matters.