You’ve Got a Nice Smile
(originally ranted in 2001)

Pay It Forward was an okay movie, but I was way ahead of my time. Back in high school, I developed my own little concept that I should hand out compliments at every given opportunity, regardless of the person or time. I figured that the person I complimented would feel good, and consequently be more likely to compliment someone else, therefore making the world a better place. Made sense to me.

I'm a pretty outgoing and self-secure person. When a girl who is prettier than I am walks by, I don't hate her or think she's a bitch. I walk up to her and tell her she ought to be a model. I pay a brief compliment and walk away. I feel good. She feels good. All is well.

But something a little different happens when I compliment a guy. Most of the time, I'll compliment a guy and walk away, only to then find him following me. Can't you guys just take a compliment at face value and not as a come-on?

My colleagues and I were at a semiformal dining engagement. Awards were being given, of which we took home a few. The gentleman who was serving us smiled as he approached our table. He had perfect teeth and a very nice smile. I politely told him so, and went back to my conversation. The remainder of the night, he was all but sitting in my water glass. Even after I left the banquet hall and went into the bar for several well-deserved cups of coffee, he would walk into the bar (well over 30 yards away), peek around the corner and wave. At one point, he even brought a friend to attend the waving.

Now, you guys have to get something straight: if I compliment you on your trousers, it does not mean I am the least bit interested in what those trousers contain. It was a compliment. Enjoy it. File it away. Wear those trousers on your next date and know you made a wise selection. End of story.

And I assume the same applies to you chicks out there. If a guy compliments you, it doesn't mean he wants you, so back off on the Sophia Loren trip.

And a non-related side note to you ladies, while I'm on a rant- if you're wearing a see-through shirt, don't get pissed when a guy doesn't look you in the eye when you're talking. And if he does look you in the eye, enjoy the fact that you've either just met an exceptionally nice guy or your new florist. You asked for the stare when you put the shirt on. And guys: if you see this chick in the see-through shirt, just be happy you got the peep-show for free. Her clothing choice does not instantly transport you to the human produce aisle in the Utopia Supermarket where you get to test the firmness of the melons. Keep your hands to yourself.