What IS Sexy Anyway?
(originally ranted in 2003)

All right. I admit it. I know I should act all intellectual, like I hate TV, but I don't. I just never have the time to watch it. But it's been a lazy Saturday, so I flipped on E!. There were three shows back to back that I watched intermittently while being busy.

The first was Plastic Surgery. The second was The 25 Sexiest Men. The third was the best and worst dressed of the Grammy Awards. Very telling, that line up. Obsessed with appearance much?

But I digress, because I watched them. They did get me thinking about what is attractive to me. It's quite different from those shows. The first showed three people who chose to undergo plastic surgery of various types. Two of the three looked pretty shabby beforehand, and all three looked worse afterward. What were they thinking? So much money spent on the outside in an attempt to augment the inside. It was sad.

The second show was more agreeable. Brad Pitt. Johnny Depp. George Clooney. Lenny Kravitz. Benicio, Dear Lord, Benicio. So while I don't think Brooke Burke is sexy enough to have hosted the show, I agree about a lot of the men she spoke about.

The third show was hosted by Joan Rivers and crew. Is there anyone LESS attractive than Joan Rivers? I don't think so. And not because she's not pretty, either. She's just got a disgustingly awful sense of humor. And as far as the Grammys go, which I did not watch, that was the worst dressed bunch of yahoos I've ever seen. Other than Mary J. Blige, everyone needed help. The American Council of the Blind could have done better.

But to the point- which is: what is sexy to ME? Well, other than my boyfriend, who is perfect, not much. But I'll tell you the traits that make him, and whoever else posses them, sexy.

First and foremost, being comfortable in your own skin and clothes. There is nothing sexier than an air of confidence. Now, that doesn't mean you have to be arrogant or pompous. I am a firm believer that if you have to tell people how cool you are, you're not. But there's a walk, a way of standing, that lets everyone know without a word. There is a movement that exudes confidence. It's intoxicating. If you're sure of yourself, I can be too. But if you're not...

Decisiveness. Heavens, don't waffle. I don't want to have a ten minute conversation about what we could do tonight. Call me, say "I'm taking you out for coffee tonight. How does that sound?" Man, I'm there. If you can't decide between the Thousand Island and Ranch, then you're of no use to anyone. And I don't care how many feminists stand up and scream, but most women DO want men who can take control of a situation.

Let me get a bit physical for a moment- dark, deep eyes. Oh, yes. You can be faulty in every other area, but if your eyes are infinite pools of melancholy, I'm paying attention. Of course, a good behind doesn't hurt either, but it's not mandatory.

Creativity is also big on my sexy list. I don't care what you do, but do it with passion and enthusiasm. In fact, you don't really have to even be great at it. An outlet of self-expression, though, is very desirable.

I don't expect men to lay their coats down over a puddle of water for me, but some manners would be nice. Chivalry is not dead, nor should it be. I can open doors just fine. I do it all day without any help whatsoever. But it certainly is nice when you think enough of me to get the door for me. And that's the key to chivalry right there- it's not pandering to a weaker gender. It's that you thought of me before yourself. That is why it is so attractive when a man is a gentleman.

Other plusses: direction, vision, faith, the ability to communicate clearly, a job, passion, and occasionally being silent and mysterious sometimes.

It's a tall order, I know. In fact, pretty much no one but my other can manage all of this. But if you're trying to attain sexy, just be yourself. In the end, it's what you already are that makes you sexy.

Then again, a nice behind still doesn't hurt.