A Bald Natalie Portman and Gay Cowboys
(originally ranted in 2006)

This entry is going to be both thought provoking and slightly ignorant. Stay frosty. (Plus there's spoilers about V for Vendetta, so stop reading if you haven't seen it yet.)

Let me tell you a few things about myself, all will be relevant as you read on.

• I am a Christian.
• I am a Republican, and I voted for George W Bush twice.
• I support the war effort.
• I am not a big fan of homosexuality, but I do have a gay member of my family, go I GET IT. Calm down. They even have a kid, so back off.
• I LOVE movies. I'll watch pretty much anything, provided it's not a slapstick comedy like Airplane, anything National Lampoon, or anything starring Adam Sandler or the Deuce Bigalow guy.
• The movies I prefer most are artsy, progressive, and even sometimes foreign. If it's been to an Independent film festival, chances are I've seen it more times than the director.
• I don't get to go to the theatre very often since I'm a single Mom, so when I DO go, I really am counting on it to be good.
  

Let's dispense with the formalities and let me get to the point. This month, I wanted to see two movies. Just two, and was reasonably jazzed about them both- Brokeback Mountain and V for Vendetta. Damnit.

What is to be said about Brokeback Mountain that you haven't heard already? Well, one thing: IT WASN'T THAT ENTERTAINING. Give me a break. Okay, so they're gay cowboys, and they're hot, and the cinematography is pretty great, but there is NO character development, and I found myself caring very little about any of the characters. It's basically a porn flick with a script. So if THIS is the movie that is held forth as the shining beacon of the gay community, then I suggest they just go have a damn parade instead. Tragic. The only good thing about this movie: the shot where they kill the moose. Beautifully shot, and the moose was the best actor in the film. I have no idea how they got him to do that. Brilliant.

But when I walked in, I knew it was going to be a gay cowboy movie. I got what I expected in that arena. I did not go away disappointed in that sense.

So then I go to V for Vendetta. Okay, well no one told me that it, too, was about the so-called "gay agenda." There's more homosexuals in it than there are in a Melissa Etheridge concert. But I'm cool with it. I can hang. In fact, the most likeable characters in the movie were gay, so it's hard to walk away from it not hating their oppressive situation.

But then there's Natalie Portman going to see the priest dressed up as a little girl so he "hear her confession." This was totally unnecessary and pointless. The priest was hateable already without bringing child molestation into the film. The Wachowski brothers are very active in the fight against child abuse and molestation, so maybe this was just their way of getting a jab in, which is great. I support their effort and the PAC boards they serve on. (See www.protect.org for more info.) However, this scene was inappropriate. And besides, we all know priests only like boys. (Zing!)

Now, here's where I get ignorant (you mean you weren't there already, Kristin?). I have not read the graphic novel this film was based on. I know nothing about the author, the book, when it was written, or how much of the film was true to the novel. So maybe I shouldn't be slamming the movie, but the book. But let me revel in my ignorance, and continue on.

This film is dangerous. It's dangerous in the way that Fight Club was. It's subversive and sinister. Fight Club was a great flick. I've watched it many times, and even own a copy. But it encouraged some seriously bad behavior and overglamorized mental illness and violence. How can I say this? Because seemingly intelligent and functional friends of mine actually STARTED a fight club. They would come to work all banged up and bragging about their exploits. Like the bite of a black widow, Fight Club injected its poison before you even realized you were getting bitten. V for Vendetta is more obvious, and even more destructive.

They pinpoint everything with a total lack of subtlety, all the way from the color alerts, to references to the current war, to religious overtones in the government, to lack of tolerance for gays. It's so blatant, you feel like you're watching CNN. And even though I voted for the guy, I can't say that I like everything about Bush. Heck, I don't even like everything about my best friends, but I'm not going to freak out about it. Take a Prozac and calm the hell down.

If you don't like the government, blow up a building. "The building is a symbol, an idea, and that idea must be destroyed." Yeah, uh, what was that building that got hit a few years back, um, I can't remember. Oh yeah, the World Trade Center, the very epicenter of our country's economy. Yeah, and there was the Pentagon too, the home of our nation's security. Seems like we were all a little jacked up after that happened. And Oklahoma as well. In fact, that's an even better example.

McVeigh was pissed at the government for what happened at Waco. Believe it or not, he and I are on exactly the same page on this deal. Me too, dude, me too. But I choose not to blow up a Federal Building when I get mad. I write a rant. Doesn't make as much of an impact, but i feel better and no one dies. And V for Vendetta completely supports the Timothy McVeigh point of view. When the government fucks up and kills a bunch of people, go kill 'em back! This is the same theory as the Texas death penalty, which liberals vehemently oppose, yet espouse it conveniently when it comes to teaching the government a lesson. It makes as much sense as pro-life supporters shooting abortion doctors.

This movie is completely about how the government is evil, and all types of leadership are bad, and every kind of lifestyle (except the Christian one) is okay, so let's go blow shit up and kill people. So what if this movie would have been about a bunch of conservatives going out and blowing up the Act Up offices? Oh my, people would be in an uproar. The film would not have even been made. But now that it's hip to hate George W Bush and oppose any and all types of war (except for blowing up buildings), this movie is gonna bank. Everyone's gonna love it. And you MARK MY WORDS- some jagoff is going to think this is a good idea and TRY to pull off something similar. It's like those morons who tried to reenact Money Train- and that was a CRAPPY movie! This movie is actually pretty entertaining and thought provoking. It's nothing but trouble. Scares me. They are encouraging terrorist acts from our own citizens, and NOTHING good is going to come from that.

Was it an entertaining film? Yep. Wouldn't bother seeing it again, because it wasn't brilliant. But it did serve the purpose of getting me out of the house and not dozing off for two hours. And it did incite a blog entry, so I guess that's something.

You read it here first: Brokeback Mountain wasn't a good film, and someone is gonna blow up a building because they hate George Bush. Don't say I didn't warn you about either.