Well, That's It. I'm not a Christian Anymore.
(originally ranted in 2006)

Yep, that's all it took to shake my core belief. I went to see the DaVinci Code tonight, and nothing more was needed. My belief now stands in some theory that Jesus was not a deity, but rather a man who had a child with Mary Magdalene. And what, may you ask, is the core of this newfangled faith? Some painting by Leonardo DaVinci, painted hundreds of years after the Last Supper took place by someone who was not there and who had a long-standing history of hating Christians and Christianity. Oh, I'm sold on the theory. After all, Mary (John) is leaning to the left and Jesus is leaning to the right, so that proves the whole thing! It makes a V shape, you see, which is the female shape, the shape of the chalice, or Holy Grail, see. That's her womb, see? SHE was the Holy Grail. Do ya get it?

Yeah, me neither.

Basing a theory of religion upon a painting is like me deciding to worship Tomato Soup because I checked out a Warhol exhibit. And just in case you DaVinci Code freaks out there haven't been keeping up with Christian apologetics, there is more historical evidence of the Bible's accuracy than any other literary work. And one of the key defenses out there that atheists exclaim is that the Bible was not written DURING the time of Christ's life, death and resurrection. Oh, really? The New Testament began within 70 years of Christ's death. The painting of the Last Supper was done just a little bit after that, folks, so if you're going to apply that historical standard, apply it across the board. You can't pick and choose.

And if you're still going to use that painting as a bastion of your lack of faith, remember, the reason you're doing it is because of how an artist rendered it. Shall I assume that the crucifixion took place in a vat of urine because an artist placed a crucifix in some pee? Yeah, it's THAT stupid.

But let's play Langdon's advocate for a minute. Let's say Jesus DID marry Mary Magdalene and they had a child. Does that suddenly mean that He was not crucified? Does that mean He did not rise again? Not even Dan Brown is ballsy enough to make THAT claim.

But it WAS a good movie, I'll confess. I enjoyed it quite a lot, and only took umbrage at certain statements made about Jesus, which really didn't take up THAT much space in dialog. In fact, I would imagine Jewish folk would be much more pissed off than Christians, as their Star of David was DIRECTLY referred to as a pagan symbol, the combination of the symbol of man and woman unified in sex. If I was Jewish, I'd be pretty hot. As a Christian, though, I was only remotely annoyed at varying intervals. And you know what, when I left the movie, Jesus was still there, seated on His throne, the savior of all creation. Nothing has changed a bit, least of all my faith.

And let me give you a tip, all you Christians who are "afraid" to see the film because it is not The Passion: if your faith can be swayed in one direction or another based upon a MOVIE, you were never committed to your belief system in the first place. It's a MOVIE... based on a FICTIONAL BOOK. Take a Xanax and calm down. Dan Brown didn't write a fact-based tale. It's a literary work, a story. You want to get pissed off about a book? How about the Jesus Papers? That ought to get you PLENTY riled up.

And I'll be honest, the only reason this book has sold so many copies and had a movie made based on its story is because Christians got so damn worked up about it in the first place. If we would have SHUT UP, it would have come and gone just like a copy of Waiting to Exhale. But nooooo, we just HAD to cause a stink about it, writing 7000 of our own books about busting the DaVinci Code, and had just as many sermons and church workshops about how this book and film are evil. How's about you read a book about being an EXAMPLE of Christ instead? How's about you do a workshop on how to exhibit the love of Christ so ALL will want to be a part of Him?

There's only one book that can break the DaVinci Code, and it's called the Bible. Go read it and do what it says. No other response is needed.