What It Means to be a Christian, At Least, To Me.
(originally ranted in 2006)

Lots of people talk about their faith, but most Christians do so in a way that does not mean anything at all to non-believers. We use holy language and talk about healing meetings and being slain in the spirit and speaking in tongues. This holds no appeal for a Buddhist. We just sound insane.

And I can't guarantee you that my faith-walk will sound any less nonsensical, but I can tell you what it has been like for ME to be a Christian. I'll try to be as non-spiritual as possible.

It means choosing to listen to 16 Horsepower instead of Nine Inch Nails. At the same time, I am still just as much a Christian when I DO listen to Nine Inch Nails.

It means going to see the Da Vinci Code instead of staying home and watching TBN. And He still loves me while the credits are rolling.

It means being able to say to my pastor "I'd take a vow of silence for that!" when referring to how hot Paul Bettany was in the aforementioned film. (I did this just this morning, in my infinite stupidity.) And you know what? Not only does Jesus still love me, but Pastor didn't throw me out of the congregation.

It means being able to yell at God when He makes me mad, and still listen to Him when He responds in love to that anger.

It means loving movies desperately, but turning off The Dying Gaul 20 minutes into it, and walking out of the 25th Hour. And it also means watching Pulp Fiction instead, and God understanding.

It means loving someone with a 666 tattoo just as much as someone with a cross tattoo.

It means praying for my son when he's sick when my intellect wants me to call a doctor. And then my heart leaping when my son gets healed all the same.

It means realizing that my flesh would rather be in a relationship, but my spirit wanting me out of it because it is the wrong relationship. And, incidentally, me being obedient to that prompting.

It means me not sleeping in on Sunday mornings, but rather sleeping just a tiny bit late and showing up to church just a tiny bit late. But not too late, because I'm the volunteer for children's ministry sign-ins.

It means me believing that Jeffrey Dahmer has the same place in Heaven that I do. He was saved. I was saved. There's no difference. (And in case you're paying close attention, that's why my business is called Apartment 213 and the tag line is Out of the Darkness and Into the Light. ALL things can be redeemed. Even a head in the freezer.)

It means a lot of things for me, but let me also tell you what it means for God.

It means He forgives me when I do something stupid and willfully sinful, even though He told me not to.

It means He embraces my individuality and counters it with ministries like XXXChurch and allowing me to be on Miami Ink. After all, He made me, and He knows the things I love.

It means He knows that I had no capability or interest whatsoever in becoming a parent, so He gave me a virtually perfect child.

It means He knows I hate people, and rather than allowing me to languish in my hermitic tendencies, He gives me friends who challenge me, forcing me to be better and closer to Him, even when I don't want to be.

It means He allows me to work my fingers to the bone for a house payment, but at the same time, gives me the coolest house in this entire city.

It means me wishing I had a Ford 021C or a Mini-Cooper, but that would mean payments. Instead, He gives me a safe car for my son and I as a gift, no payments at all.

It means me hating my past, but Him bringing people out of the shadows from it that I can minster to.

It means me often being angry about my lack of freedom, and then Him reminding me of the oppression I felt before I found myself at the foot of the cross. (Okay. Forgive me. I got a little spiritual with that one.)

It means Him knowing that I have to understand everything with my intellect, not my heart, so He gives me little mysteries in the Bible to study and pour over so I am mentally challenged, as well as spiritually.

It means Him being small enough to be hurt when I willfully disobey Him, but big enough to forgive me for it, and immeasurably immense enough to forget the whole thing.

It means that no matter how badly I get beat up in the ring, He's right there cheering me on, nursing my cuts, and telling me to get back in there and take another punch. After all, I'll get in a few of my own.

It means that while I try to use this forum as a chance to meet new and interesting people, He instead brings people out of the woodwork for me to be a light to. MySpace is MyMinistry to me. Or at least, one of them.

It means that He has ordained the fact that you are reading this, and He is taking a personal interest in YOU, and he's already giving me the words to respond to you. Even God has an Internet connection. Let Him use it.

Nothing I say here or in person can convince you that becoming a Christian is the answer to all your problems. In fact, I can say with complete certainty that it WILL NOT be that. But I can tell you that it changes the perspective you have on life. It makes everything a different color.

I have seen the other side of life. I was a criminology major with a specialty in serial killers. I was a dominatrix for years, and even was part owner of my own dungeon. I've slept with more people than I care to confess to anyone but Jesus. I've lied, I've cheated, I've stolen, I've murdered. But you know what? So did Saul, and he became Paul, the guy who wrote most of the New Testament.

You think God only picks the righteous? Did you miss the fact that most of His disciples were fishermen? Have you met any stevedores lately? They are a rough bunch who cuss like.. well... sailors! Jesus could have chosen ANYONE, but they are the men He chose. And the woman who was closest to Him other than His mother was an ex-prostitute. And Jesus himself? A carpenter. Once again, think of the carpenters you've known. Not exactly what you'd think of as a savior. You think that was His only option? Like He couldn't have made himself a priest or a king? It's the lowly of us who reap the Kingdom of Heaven.

He doesn't want you while you're perfect. Those people were called the Pharisees, and they were the people who received Jesus' greatest contempt. It was the poor, the sick, the lame, the sinners, that Jesus embraced. He wasn't looking for perfect people. He was looking for PERFECTABLE people. Are you willing to embrace what you COULD be? Do you have any idea what you would look like in His eyes? You cannot imagine. But you can embrace it just the same. It's called faith. It's not easy or without peril. I know, because I walk it everyday, but I can tell you it is vastly better than the alternative. You have nothing to lose but yourself.